Once upon a time life was wonderful, as we wish it for everyone- yet sometimes I wonder, if I knew then what I know now would I be ok with upsetting the fabric of time to save those I love and offer reparations for those I wish I could have done more for. That time, was incredible and looking at those memories, it doesn't seem so much time has gone by, leaving myself and other family  members here alone in many ways, to ponder life and the living of it but having each other,  the   heavy grief of loss is to some degree, muted.

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     Looking back over my life, my childhood and so many  things  that were set upon  my  path to here, has  me  wishing, could I have done more, said something to have a more everlasting  positive effect on those around me, that meant so much to me.

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     I   look to yesteryear in my minds eye, and clearly  as it was then, I see  us all together, happy, often laughing  , because then was 'now' , and  I was so young  and felt invincible to the affects of time -  completely  oblivious as most young people are ,  that there is anything monumental we need to be planning for,  concerned about or enough to fret about.  I wish I had been more  worldly at times, more    aware for my age so I could have been more inquisitive , written   a diary  filled with family  memories of  yesteryear,      so that when I  came around to my future self, I'd be just that little bit more full   and    less of the  emptiness, with nary anyone now, who can completely fill the  void.

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     This was supposed to be  an article full of uplifting context because the future will be, but I can't, nor can really  anyone, visit the  future without much more fullness in knowledge   -for a time that is  too often  filled  with  loss , because armed  with joy and remembrance  of  my   personal heritage I'll be able  to go forward knowing who I am, where I came from and do my best to  fill  my life and those I meet with   great joy and make my family proud of me in the process knowing I'm 'OK' . I have to let go to get on  with my life.

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     I  have so much more to write  from this period, but I must say here  , now, as the meaning herein  fills  me with wonder  and love  ,  that great personal tragedy, aching  on from horrendous loss and pain, but  Rewarded in  Heaven in ways I never could have dreamed of.  Reader will please find the link above which explains in  exquisite   detail to the best of my   ability to  portray in  words tho they fail  for the cause  -   knowing full well I was delivered, embraced  made so much more  whole that the rest of the story eases,  demands to be told.   

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